Listening Within,
Three
If we have cultivated
the observer in ourselves, we will notice times when our mental processes are
not functioning creatively or harmoniously. This observer can begin to see
when we carry resentment in the form of habitual complaints, when we indulge in
self-pity or self-judgement, or when we play old recordings with negative
themes.
If we observe our
inner talking, we will see that each day our thoughts cluster around a few
different themes. An event, a conversation, or some reading will set off
reverberations in the mind. Some difficult situation will echo in our thoughts
with surprising persistence, and these echoes will distort or at least colour
other experiences that have nothing to do with that past experience. This is
one way that we carry the past inappropriately into the present. An unpleasant
experience at work will be brought home. Difficulty with a family member might
reflect on relationships outside the family. A certain pattern of thinking
activated in one situation persists into another, making it more difficult to
know the moment as it is.
If we are preoccupied
with some worry, for instance, it absorbs most of our awareness. To the extent
of this preoccupation, this absorption of awareness, we are absent from the
present moment. Imagine, for instance, that while at work I received news
of some unexpected expense and I am worried about paying it. As I drive home my
thoughts echo this preoccupation. I drive unconsciously, automatically. I carry
this preoccupation into my home and perhaps seem distant to others around me,
not really enjoying their company or giving them my real attention. Depending
on the degree of my self-awareness, I may not really be conscious of the time I
have lost, or of what is occupying my thinking. In other words, much of this
may be happening on an unconscious level. Not
only is the present moment obscured, but the contents of my own mind may not be
known because my “I” is so absorbed in what is going on. In this state of identification
with mechanical talking, negative emotional loops prevail; the Life force is
imprisoned; a rich emotional and spiritual life is not possible.
Living Presence
Kabir Helminski
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