Gathering the Fragmented Self 2

Gathering the Fragmented Self 2

Fragmentation

We are forever in parts and yet wish to be whole. We are distracted and yet wish to concentrate; we are scattered and yet wish to be focused.

We are scattered to the extent that we yield our “I” to every impulse. We say “my” likes or dislikes, “my” feelings, and “my” pain, and we diminish that “I” to the proportions of our momentary personal reactions. This “I” becomes enfeebled and is absorbed in all these passing states. At one time it is absorbed in a compulsive, unconscious act; at another, in a vague anxiety. From one moment to the next, it moves through likes and dislikes, through various motives and preoccupations. Its attention quickly shifts from being occupied with what is in front of it to entering a daydream. Some sense of “I” is identified with each of these events, but there is little abiding presence.

We are fragmented when we wander from our own center. When our attention is merely reacting to outer events, or when it is being dominated by something, it loses contact with its own source. Attention is a sacred faculty, but when it is drawn to whatever pulls strongest, it has no force of its own; it is a mere passive reaction. If attention is not connected to will, a human is not fully a human being.

If we lose contact with our sense of purpose, we lose our own coherence; our thoughts, feelings, and actions become incoherent, even self-contradictory. Feelings or motivations that once supported our goals abandon us, leaving us helpless and irresolute. Life seems a continuous struggle, requiring a certain amount of effort just to keep up. The struggle of life is largely a struggle to get organized, to gather a coherence within ourselves.

The distractions and demands of outer life can diminish our presence. All transient pleasures come to their inevitable end, and all good intentions face continual assaults. If we are constantly reacting to outside influences, we have little strength left for the inner life. Because we have been fragmented, we need to become whole, to collect ourselves and thereby let our light be stronger. No one can transform the ego before it has become integrated.

The ritual prayer – which integrates a series of postures, a mental invocation, an emotional disposition, and a transcendent awareness – can be a magnificent example of the gathering of attention. The congruence on many levels, which is the fruit of gathering and recollection, leads to peace within. When this peace has gathered sufficient strength it can face the world in a new way.

Living Presence 

Kabir Helminski