Listening Within, Three

Listening Within, Three

If we have cultivated the observer in ourselves, we will notice times when our mental processes are not functioning creatively or harmoniously. This observer can begin to see when we carry resentment in the form of habitual complaints, when we indulge in self-pity or self-judgement, or when we play old recordings with negative themes.

If we observe our inner talking, we will see that each day our thoughts cluster around a few different themes. An event, a conversation, or some reading will set off reverberations in the mind. Some difficult situation will echo in our thoughts with surprising persistence, and these echoes will distort or at least colour other experiences that have nothing to do with that past experience. This is one way that we carry the past inappropriately into the present. An unpleasant experience at work will be brought home. Difficulty with a family member might reflect on relationships outside the family. A certain pattern of thinking activated in one situation persists into another, making it more difficult to know the moment as it is.

If we are preoccupied with some worry, for instance, it absorbs most of our awareness. To the extent of this preoccupation, this absorption of awareness, we are absent from the present moment. Imagine, for instance, that while at work I received news of some unexpected expense and I am worried about paying it. As I drive home my thoughts echo this preoccupation. I drive unconsciously, automatically. I carry this preoccupation into my home and perhaps seem distant to others around me, not really enjoying their company or giving them my real attention. Depending on the degree of my self-awareness, I may not really be conscious of the time I have lost, or of what is occupying my thinking. In other words, much of this may be happening on an unconscious level. Not only is the present moment obscured, but the contents of my own mind may not be known because my “I” is so absorbed in what is going on. In this state of identification with mechanical talking, negative emotional loops prevail; the Life force is imprisoned; a rich emotional and spiritual life is not possible.

Living Presence

Kabir Helminski